Today is Amazing Words Wednesday, when we enter the labyrinth of language, get lost for a while, and see what we can discover. After last week’s mournful post on the Boston Bombing and National Poetry Month, I felt like we needed a pick-me-up today.
So here’s another entry in my If ___ Tweeted series, which features quotes from authors, statesman, and anyone else I find interesting. We are looking today at what we might find if Calvin Tweeted.
“John Calvin?” you ask.
“President Calvin Coolidge?”
As in Calvin and Hobbes.
Because I think there is a lot of insight in that little fictional character’s head. Here are 25 tweet-sized quotes from the most precocious six year old I’ve ever known, all cited from the comic books my children own.
- The end of summer is always hard on me…trying to cram in all the goofing off I’ve been meaning to do.
- I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
- I try to make television-watching a complete forfeiture of experience.
- I’m related to people I don’t relate to.
- I don’t want to pay any dues in life. I want to be a one-in-a-million, overnight success!
- People don’t realize what a burden it is being a genius like me.
- Everyone wants to know what the future holds, but you just have to wait ’til it happens.
- Comic books aren’t just escapist fantasy. They’re sophisticated social critiques.
- People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
- I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.
- I quit doing homework. Homework is bad for my self-esteem.
- And just six precious hours before bed to forget everything I learned today.
- I say a day without denial is a day you’ve got to face.
- It’s clear I’ll never have a career in sports until I learn to suppress my survival instinct.
- They say winning isn’t everything, and I’ve decided to take their word for it.
- A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
- I’ve got more brains than I know what to do with.
- If you can’t win by reason, go for volume.
- In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
- It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.
- Any idiot can be famous. I figure I’m more the legendary type.
- I like maxims that don’t encourage behavior modification.
- There’s an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.
- I’ve got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it.
- I’m not a vegetarian! I’m a dessertarian.
And with teenagers in my house (who have a few things in common with precocious six year olds), I can relate to this one from Calvin’s dad: “Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time.”
Are you a Calvin and Hobbes fan? What is your favorite Calvin tweet from the list? Do you get inspiration from other comic strips? If so, which one(s)?
Sources: The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes; The Days Are Just Packed; Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons; The Essential Calvin and Hobbes; Weirdos from Another Planet!; and Something Under the Bed Is Drooling–all by Bill Watterson