If Turkeys Tweeted

Welcome to Amazing Words Wednesday, the day we enter the labyrinth of language and see what we can find.

Here in the United States, this is also the day before Thanksgiving — a holiday dedicated to family and friends, gratitude, and a whole lotta turkey and other goodies on our table. From time to time, I gather famous quotes of 140 characters or less and share my favorites, such as If Twain Tweeted and If Hitchcock Tweeted and If Wilde Tweeted.  But in honor of this holiday, let’s talk turkey.

Photo from Microsoft Word Clip Art

If turkeys tweeted, what would they say? Here are my Top 10 (gathered, of course, from highly reputable turkeys themselves):

10. Anyone know a good plastic surgeon to fix this turkey neck? I want to look good for #Thanksgiving.

The recommended plastic surgery procedure for those with “turkey wattle” necks is a neck lift — a procedure that British actress Helen Mirren is rumored to have had.

9. Forget this turkey. If your family’s coming for #Thanksgiving, you need Wild Turkey.

Wild Turkey Bourbon was thus named in 1940 by a Kentucky distillery executive on a wild turkey hunting trip.

8. Slaughter me, baste me, roast me, taste me! #turkeyslastwords

According to the United States Department of Agriculture, more than 22.5 million turkeys are expected to be eaten this holiday.

7. Listen to your mom: No more shooting the bird! #savetheturkeys

The National Wild Turkey Federation (NWTF) provides hunting tips and tactics for both beginner and experienced turkey hunters.

6. Does this glaze make me look fat? #turkeytime

“That’s the ultimate goal of most turkey recipes: to create a great skin and stuffing to hide the fact that turkey meat, in its cooked state, is dry and flavorless. Does it have to be that way? No. We just have to focus on what the turkey is and what the turkey needs.” – Alton Brown, host of Food Network’s Good Eats (from BrainyQuote)

5. Eat Mor Chickin. Hey, the slogan worked for those Chick-Fil-A cows! #lessturkeymorechicken

Chick-Fil-A billboard

4. Turducken? Really? As if sharing the misery makes it better? #sorryducks

Turducken is a dish made by stuffing a deboned chicken into a deboned duck and then a deboned turkey. It’s like ordering the meat lovers’ special for Thanksgiving.

3. Presidential pardon, please? #longliveturkeys

For the last 24 years, a U.S. president has pardoned one turkey each year from its otherwise certain execution and preparation for the White House Thanksgiving dinner.

2. What a #Thanksgiving! I’m stuffed. Literally.

Regardless of what some dictionaries now say about the word “literally,” we humans are only symbolically stuffed after a big meal at the Thanksgiving table. But remember to leave room for dessert!

1. Gobble, gobble. #turkeysrule

Hey, what did you expect?

Turkey illustration
Pic from Microsoft Word Clip Art

Happy Thanksgiving!

Enjoy the turkey and all the trimmings.

19 thoughts on “If Turkeys Tweeted

  1. Did you see the two turkeys that Obama had to choose from this morning? They are huge, white, and gorgeous. They said that actually both of them will be spared but just one of them gets all the press. I am a vegetarian so I’m glad they were both safe.

    1. So what do you eat, Patti? Tofurkey? Just a lot of great veggies? I always wonder these things when it comes to holidays.

      And yeah, some of those turkeys are just beautiful!

    1. You can’t shoot Canadian geese? How’s that fair? We Americans have given numerous acting jobs to Canadians, surely they can part with a few geese. 😉

      Enjoy the pics and your Thanksgiving, Nancy!

  2. Fabulous, Julie! Love it! One turkey is getting a reprieve here. We decided to get a ham this year. For us, it’s not about what’s on the table. It’s about being grateful for the bounty we have.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    1. I thought ham was usually served at Christmas, no? I’m not really a cook myself. I’m begging my husband to help with tomorrow’s meal! And I agree entirely — it’s about gratitude for the bounty we have!

      Blessings and a wonderful Thanksgiving to you, Diana!

  3. This is a great list and cute. No. 10 reminds me of one of my favorite shows, Ally McBeal. Richard Fish had a thing about waddles. Hope you and your family have a great Thanksgiving. 🙂
    PS: The best thing to do when you are “stuffed” after eating: take a walk outside in the fresh air.
    Cheers, Jerry

    1. I have never seen an episode of Ally McBeal! Can you believe that? I keep hearing it was a great show.

      I went for taking a nap instead of walk. Yours was probably the better idea! Hope you had a lovely day, Jerry!

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