How Authors Choose Names with Amber West

Welcome to Amazing Words Wednesday, the day we enter the labyrinth of language and discover something interesting about words.

Early this year, I had the joy of reading Amber West’s debut novel, The Ruth Valley Missing. I’m thrilled to have Amber join us today to talk about how authors choose the names of fictional characters and places.

Amber West (photoshopped with Nathan Fillion)

Amber West (showing off her mad Photoshop skills)

Julie: Authors invent names for their characters and sometimes names for fictional locations. Do you have a typical process for naming people and places in your writing?

Amber: Not really. Sometimes I just start writing and the name comes. There have been times where I started with a name that didn’t feel right and changed it later. But process? Not so much.

(Naming my child went pretty much the same way. I wanted to name him Dexter Haven West, but at a certain point during the pregnancy, the name didn’t feel right.)

One of these days, I should relate sometime how my husband and I chose our sons’ names. It was a rather logical process, yet somehow the names seem to fit our children.

I read The Ruth Valley Missing back in January, and your choices of names stuck with me. Tell me how you came up with the main character’s name? And what about the original of “Ruth Valley”?

I like names that can have shortened versions, and I really like names on girls that sound like boys names. Jameson fit the bill. Her last name was a result of a little looking around. Since Jameson is a redhead, I wanted something with Irish origins and one syllable. A quick internet search and there was Quinn.

I love Jameson’s name. If I had a girl, there’s a solid chance that would be her name.

Ruth Valley came about in a few ways. One, I wanted a fictional town. While I have been to various small towns in North Carolina, I wanted a town that I had some license in creating. After all, I just dropped a Catholic church with convent in the middle of this little town, something not at all typical of the region, so I wanted it to be clear that this was a place that was invented.

I always thought of Ruth as a strong female name, and given the presence of a convent–one very involved in the community–I wanted that strength. Adding Valley to it gave it that idyllic little town vibe.

It definitely had that feel to me, Amber.

Have you ever used a Random Name Generator to brainstorm names? What do you think of that practice?

I’ve used one once, but didn’t care for the results. I’ve got nothing against them, though. They can be a good starting point when you’re stuck.

Scrivener has a random name generator, which I’ve tried, but the names always seem rather odd to me. I’ve done better myself culling the internet.

What about people you know? Have you harvested names from people in your past or present?

Haha. Yes.

One of the main characters in The Ruth Valley Missing is named after a good friend and early supporter of my work. The owners of the Bed and Breakfast? One of my aunts and uncles.

The Contemporary YA I’m working on has quite a few names pulled from real life.

I’m guilty as well. I don’t write people I know into my books, but I have used their names as inspiration.

Why is it important to get the name right? What does an author convey to the reader in the choice of a name?

I think there are things that are definitely more important, but names shouldn’t be ignored. Difficult to pronounce names, for example, can make your reader stumble as they read, which can take away from the whole experience.

Sound means a lot to me, too. I studied Latin in school and when you explicated poetry in Latin, sound is a big part of it. The sounds you use contribute to the imagery in the poem. Same thing can go for names. A mean and difficult character might have more harsh sounds. Or you might employ opposites–sounds that go against their nature.

I think sometimes authors have to be careful, too, when using unique names that are already in use. Calling your character “Katniss” or “Obama” might make it difficult for the reader to picture your character.

I’ve use the opposites approach on one of my recent books, with a drug dealer named Skip. Usually, however, I try to make the name conjure up the mood of the character I’m writing.

Do you have favorite character or fictional location names? What people and places from books have stuck with you because of their name?

I do really love Jameson. The serial fic I started on my blog a few weeks ago has a main character who goes by “Battie” and, while I wouldn’t love the name for me, I love it for her character.

Outside of my own stories? Oddly enough, Beatrice and Benedict from Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing came to mind. Partly because I’ve heard writers cluck their tongues at using the same first letter for multiple characters in a story, particularly two major characters–but I always felt their names fit them so well. And in real life? It happens.

Just a few weeks ago I had some girls over for tea – we had three Ambers, an Arin, an Erin, and an Emily. Rule breaking nightmare! :)

I am so glad you said that because I’ve been looking at one of my novels with a Lacey and  Leah (who appears much less). I don’t want to change either name, but I’ve heard the “too close” advice. We’ll see what I decide.

And one last question, just because you’re here: What Star Trek celebrity and author bought your book again?

Speaking of cool names and alliteration: Wil Wheaton.

Check out that story from Amber’s blog: The One Where I Ramble about Anxiety, Megacon, and Wil Wheaton.

Thanks for coming on, Amber! I think you did a great job naming characters and the fictional town in your book, The Ruth Valley Missing.

I give this book a thumbs-up, y’all! Check it out.

The Ruth Valley Missing book cover

Jameson Quinn is sick of trying to find herself in the big city. After a gallery opening ends in a trip to the ER and an argument with her self-involved boyfriend, she decides to take off for the peace and quiet of a small town — Ruth Valley.

The small town has everything Brooklyn lacked: simple people, peaceful surroundings, and a feeling of safety. Jameson even finds the perfect house to rent from the town’s most eligible bachelor, Sheriff Jack. Life is finally headed in a promising direction.

But something isn’t right. A young man is mysteriously injured, then disappears — and Jameson finds he isn’t the only person to suddenly vanish. The suspicious behavior of an abrasive nun and a creepy priest set her off on an investigation of what’s really happening. Will she figure out the secrets of Ruth Valley before she’s the next to go missing?

Buy from Amazon.com (Kindle & paperback editions available)

Amber West behind a cameraAmber West is a Northeastern transplant dodging rodent sized bugs and sweltering heat in the jungles of Central Florida. When she isn’t battling the urge to pass out, she’s busy being a wife, mother, geek, photographer, and writer, in no particular order. You can read her ramblings at http://www.withoutsushi.com or find her on Twitter (@amberwest) where she abuses hashtags and makes people laugh. Or at least, makes herself laugh.

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How to Survive School Assemblies (and Other Boring Stuff)

Welcome to Scarlet Thread Sunday, the day I pull out a thread of something I’ve learned in the labyrinth of life.

Calvin & Hobbes cartoon:

A few weeks ago, I posted on Facebook that my son had taken a four-hour writing test at school. (We live in Texas, which is currently big on measuring student success through testing.) After finishing early, he had to simply sit in his desk with nothing to do. So he counted from 1 to 1,500. Zzzzz…..

So what do you do when you’re bored out of your skull after an exam? Or how about a school assembly?

I used to hate those. My memory of them goes something like this:

  1. Several minutes to get people to shut up
  2. Introduction of topic
  3. Blah, blah, blah
  4. Blah, blah, blah
  5. Blah, blah
  6. Important thing
  7. Blah, blah, blah, blah
  8. Dismissed

The trick was to clue in to that #6 Important Thing and find a way to keep your brain from dying a slow, tortured death during the rest of it.

So being the good mother that I am–or maybe the slacker mom that I am, po-tay-to, po-tah-to–I feel it necessary to equip my children to survive the rigors of stupid school assemblies. Thus, the first student-parent assembly I had to attend with my teenager in high school went like this:

  1. Several minutes to get people to shut up
  2. Introduction of topic
  3. Blah, blah, blah
  4. Take out piece of paper and start drawing
  5. Ask son to help me draw a gun because I can’t get the shape right
  6. Important thing–got it
  7. Son finishes gun and passes paper back
  8. I write, “What I want to do to myself during school assemblies” and complete the picture with a stick figure of me getting hit in the brain by a bullet
  9. Son chuckles (quietly, of course) and passes paper to friend next to him
  10. Friend chuckles (quietly, of course) and passes paper back
  11. Dismissed

Ah, so much better.

The next one was a band parent-student meeting that was supposed to last one hour, but took one and a half hours. Heaven help me. So I found an index card in my purse and wrote this:

List of things more fun than school assemblies

I completed #1, left #2 blank, and passed the card and pen to my son. Thereafter, we traded ideas, with odd-numbered items being mine, and even-numbered items his. Here is our list of Things that are more fun than school assemblies:

  1. Watching grass grow
  2. Having my phone. After which I added a note: It’s supposed to be something not very fun. He caught on quickly.
  3. Picking my nose
  4. Staring at a wall
  5. Reading Leviticus in one sitting. Note: Old Testament book of religious rules.
  6. Watching snails race
  7. Counting my freckles
  8. Sleeping
  9. Cleaning toilets
  10. Reading a King novel in one sitting
  11. Tying, untying, and retying my shoelaces
  12. Watching trees grow
  13. Watching paint dry
  14. Eating worms
  15. Getting a shot
  16. Watching a clock tick…for an hour
  17. Listing things that are more fun than assemblies
  18. Sleeping during assemblies
  19. Counting how many times you blink in an hour
  20. Watching your hair grow
  21. Cleaning out ear wax

And then said assembly was over. Worry not, fair friends! I did catch the important stuff. Moreover, there was a handout with all the necessary information in it, so if we missed anything, I had the reference sheet.

Kids and teens are hardly the only ones subjected to boredom in meetings. In fact, my practical instruction will help my children face the future. Most adults have sat through a meeting that should have taken ten minutes and dragged on for an hour or more. At some point, you start fiddling with your clothing, doodling on your legal pad, or exercising your vivid imagination–by planning your entire wedding in your head, revisiting the latest episode of Dancing with the Stars and who you hope gets voted off, plotting how you’d kill your boss and get away with it if you were that kind of person (which you’re not), redesigning your wardrobe, etc.

Whatever you do, I can boil the survival techniques down to two simple tips:

  • Keep your outside appearance steady.
  • Engage in your mind actively.

That’s it. Bored to death? The school assembly or meeting isn’t enough to keep your brain on life support, much less activated. But keep your mind alive and you’ll survive. Dream, imagine, doodle, plan–do something, anything–just keep it to yourself.

Otherwise, you might find yourself becoming fidgety, distracting, and even visibly annoyed. Bad plan. Because your Important Thing may not be someone else’s Important Thing, and you don’t want your momentary boredom to keep them from getting what they need.

And now for more brain activation. Let’s talk about my writing goals update.

ROW80 Update

Reading

Writing/Editing

  • Finish writing GOOD & GUILTY, YA mystery. 
  • Complete first round of edits of GOOD & GUILTY. Letting the MS sit for a bit first.
  • Write one short story.
  • Edit two short stories–one needs a final polish, the other a full edit.

Additional Goals

  • Exercise twice a week. Lots of walking this week, so I’m going to say yes.
  • Prepare for and attend DFW Conference in May.
  • Prepare for and attend Immersion Master Class with Margie Lawson in June.

So how do/did you survive boring assemblies or meetings? What are your tips? And tell me about your not-boring week!

Posted in ROW80, Scarlet Thread Sunday | Tagged , , , , , | 16 Comments

Stuffed Bears, Gongs, and Handerpants…Must Be a Writers’ Conference

Today I am in the Dallas-Fort Worth area for the DFW Writers’ Conference. For today’s Scarlet Thread Sunday, I am stringing my thread through the labyrinth of a conference center as I learn writing craft, publishing, and how crazy my writer friends are when you let a bunch of us occupy the same city.

Here’s just a peek at my weekend so far.

Stuffed Bears. I went with several WANA friends (connected through Kristen Lamb’s We Are Not Alone social media web) to dinner at a genuine Texas barbecue joint. Angelo’s in Fort Worth had delicious BBQ, animal heads all over the wall, and three stuffed bears inside. We stuffed our stomachs first, then took some pics.

Kristen Lamb & Me

Kristen Lamb & Me..in our super-cool Flash & Wonder Woman tees

Ingrid Schaffenburg, Donna Newton & Me

Cowboy-boot-clad writers Ingrid Schaffenburg, Donna Newton & Me

Jess Witkins and Julie Glover with a stuffed bear

With Jess Witkins..and a Bear

Gongs. Gongs are a big part of the DFW Writers’ Conference tradition. On Sunday, they will host their regular Gong Show, which features a panel of agents who listen to query letters and bang a miniature gong when they lose interest. When three gongs sound, the letter reader stops, and the agents explain what made them stop. It’s very useful information to all conference attendees, and the letters are anonymous so no submitting writer feels on-the-spot.

But there’s also the large gong that sounds at the pitch sessions. DFW Con registration includes an appointment to speak with an agent about your finished manuscript. I was first in line–literally, with the earliest appointment available on the first day of the conference. I chatted with the delightful agent for the allotted ten minutes, and then someone banged the gong and conversation time was over. If it’s been successful, you leave the room with a request for pages…and the gong still ringing in your ears. (Yes, my meeting was successful.)

HanderpantsHanderpants. Jenny Hansen, of More Cowbell blog fame, recently posted about a product called “Handerpants.” These are fingerless gloves made from whitey-tighty material. I remembered reading the post and thinking, Who in the world would buy those? Well, now I know.

Because Gloria Richard went online shopping, and the result below speaks for itself.

Handerpants over battery candle

“Glowing Handerpants”–our new table centerpiece

Writers’ Conference. In between the shenanigans, I’ve been soaking up knowledge and wisdom from authors at various stages of the journey. I hope to post in the future about what information I gained from this conference. But suffice it to say that I am an advocate of workshops and conferences. You can gain both practical tips for your writing and inspiration to keep going.

Speaking of inspiration, here’s how last week went with my goals.

ROW80 Update

Reading

Writing/Editing

  • Finish writing GOOD & GUILTY, YA mystery. 
  • Complete first round of edits of GOOD & GUILTY. Paused to get ready for conference.
  • Write one short story.
  • Edit two short stories–one needs a final polish, the other a full edit. No further progress this week.

Additional Goals

  • Exercise twice a week. Twice! Walking.
  • Prepare for and attend DFW Conference in May. I’m here! Count this done.
  • Prepare for and attend Immersion Master Class with Margie Lawson in June.

What interesting memories do you have from writers’ conferences? Do you have a favorite conference? And how did your week go?

Posted in ROW80, Scarlet Thread Sunday | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 41 Comments

The Language of Wine with Christine Ashworth

Smoking Loon Pinot Noir Label

Welcome to Amazing Words Wednesday! I have a treat for you today. I met paranormal romance author Christine Ashworth sometime ago in a WANA blogging course. One of the features that keeps me coming back to her blog is her posts on finding good, inexpensive wine. She taste tests, rates wines, and makes recommendations.

Since I enjoy a nice glass of wine and I enjoy Christine Ashworth, I asked her to come on and talk about the unique language of wine. If you’ve ever wondered what “bouquet” or “vintage” means or what a “tannin” is, read on.

Wine connoisseurs seems to have their own language at times. It can be confusing for newbies to hear about a drink being dry or full-bodied. So help us out with a few of the basics. What are the most common words used to describe different the taste of wines and what do they mean?

Christine Ashworth PhotoCA: Dry usually means it doesn’t have much sugar in it. Sweet wines have a thickness to them; dry ones, not so much. Wines can also be thin in taste, or full-bodied. Thin can mean astringent, or maybe just not a lot of flavor. Full-bodied, to me, means it has a nice, big, round feel in my mouth. Thin wines tend to be popular in the summertime.

What are tannins? How do they affect the taste of wine?

CA: Good damned question. You know what? I didn’t have a clue, except that people tend to be allergic to them, or that’s the part of wine that gives us a headache. (Funny, I always thought it was the alcohol content. Stupid me.) However, I did some research. Here’s what Wikipedia says about tannins…

A tannin (also known as vegetable tannin, natural organic tannins or sometimes tannoid, i.e. a type of biomolecule, as opposed to modern synthetic tannin) is an astringent, bitter plant polyphenolic compound that binds to and precipitates proteins and various other organic compounds including amino acids and alkaloids.  Here’s another site I went to – I highly suggest your readers go here to find out more about tannins in wine. http://www.wineanorak.com/tannins.htm. 

In a floral shop, we know what a bouquet is. What is a “bouquet” regarding wine?

CA: Basically, it’s the same thing. How does the wine smell? Can you smell the fruit? The spice? Pepper, or soil, or flowers? Citrus? All of these scents can be found when you smell wine. It’s all in how you approach it. Also, it helps to take a class. For what it’s worth, though, I usually smell grapes, and earth, and maybe sun and citrus for white wines. Rarely does my nose take me down twisty paths of green pepper or sun-baked tomatoes.

But how do you smell the bouquet? Pour a little bit of wine into a fairly large, open mouthed wine glass and swirl the wine around the glass. Sniff lightly, move the glass away from your nose, then take a deeper sniff of the wine. What do you smell? If the label on the bottle gives you scents, such as peach or berry, then see if you can smell the peach or the berry notes.

I’ve seen the term “appellation” on a wine label. What does it mean?

CA: Appellation is referring to where the wine was grown. Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Appellation

has this to say: 

History

The tradition of wine appellation is very old. The oldest references are to be found in the Bible, where wine of Samariawine of Carmelwine of Jezreel,[1] or wine of Helbon[2]are mentioned. This tradition of appellation continued throughout the Antiquity and the Middle Ages, though without any officially sanctioned rules. Historically, the world’s first exclusive (protected) vineyard zone was introduced in ChiantiItaly in 1716 and the first wine classification system in Tokaj-HegyaljaHungary, in 1730.

So there’s that.

What does “vintage” refer to? How is that helpful in choosing a wine?

CA: “Vintage” refers to the date the wine was bottled, and not the date it was put up for sale. For instance, most wine bottled in 2012 won’t be put up for sale until 2014 at the earliest. However, the closer a red wine is sold to its vintage date, the iffier it is (in my opinion). Since we’re in 2013, I like drinking 2009 and 2010 wines.

Red wine needs to “breathe.” Of course, we know that isn’t a reference to respiration, so what is it? Why do red wines need to breathe?

Glass of red wine

By André Karwath aka Aka (Own work), via Wikimedia Commons

CA: Letting a wine breathe just means to give the wine as much exposure to oxygen as possible. When wine mixes with air, it warms the wine, allowing its scents to come out, and often oxygen will soften the flavors of the wine as well. You can do one of three things to aerate a wine. First, just pour it into a wine glass and let it sit. Second, pour it through an aerator (or, alternatively, blow bubbles through a straw into the wine. But restaurants tend to frown on this.). Third, decant the wine into a fancy decanter, or into a pitcher if that’s what you have. Any of these options will allow more oxygen into the wine.  On a side note: it’s been proven that the best way to aerate a wine is to put it in your blender and give it a whirl. No, seriously. The Wine Spectator has a take on it. Check out that post. http://www.winespectator.com/drvinny/show/id/45859

What does a “sommelier” or “wine steward” do?

CA: A good sommelier knows his restaurant, the wine he pours, the ciders and ales and beers they have, and is even knowledgeable about cigars. They can help take you beyond the typical  ”drink red with beef, white with fish.” Wine can either complement your food, or contrast with it; a good sommelier will take into account what you are ordering, plus your price point, and will suggest a wine that will go well with your meal. The absolutely most important thing the wine steward, or sommelier, does is choose the house wine. The house wine must pair attractively with all the dishes on the menu. If you’re interested in becoming a sommelier, here’s a great article on what it takes (or doesn’t take): http://recipes.howstuffworks.com/food-facts/food-careers/how-to-become-a-sommelier2.htm .

A test question: What is “enology”?

CA: “Enology” is the study of wine. Did I pass? 

In my house, we talk about the wonder of the “Houdini”—not the master escape artist, but the handy-dandy wine-bottle opener we purchased. What are the names of some other neat contraptions you recommend for wine drinkers?

CA: I flunk this, sorry. I don’t do gadgets. I have a typical bartender’s corkscrew and that’s pretty much it.

And since you’re here, could you give us a quick suggestion for a white, a blush, and a red?

Kendall Jackson Grand Reserve Chardonnay bottleCA: My favorite white, this week, is Kendall Jackson Grand Reserve Chardonnay; for a rose´(I shudder at the term “blush”), Sofia has a nice one; and for red, my inexpensive go-to is always Smoking Loon Pinot Noir.

Anything else we need to know about the language of wine?

CA: In my opinion, the most important thing about wine is to not be intimidated by people who sound like they’re very knowledgeable; half the time they’re just as clueless as you are. The only thing you “need” to know about wine is, do you like it? Or not? If you don’t like it, then don’t buy it again. Pretty simple, huh?

I stumbled across a terrific post about tasting wine. Go to http://findingourwaynow.com/2013/02/taking-the-mystery-out-of-wine-tasting-wine.html - she does an excellent job of taking the mystery out of wine tasting.

 Wow, Julie – I’m starting to realize just how much I don’t know about wine, lol! I’ll be doing some studying in the next few weeks. Thanks so much for having me here, I really appreciate it. 

It’s been my pleasure, Christine! I definitely know more about wine now. And yes, yes, of course you passed the test.

Do you have any other questions for Christine about wine or her books?

Demon Hunt: A Caine Brothers Novel

Christine’s most recent release

Christine Ashworth drinks wine, writes novels and plays, and encourages her extremely bright sons to get out into the job market. You can find her on twitter, facebook and at her website.

For more information about Christine, you can find her at Christine Ashworth-Wicked…with a Side of Saucy

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What’s on Your Bucket List?

Welcome to Scarlet Thread Sunday, the day I toss out a thread of something I’ve learned in the labyrinth of life.

"Forty is better than 30." - quote from Brooke BurkeSometime ago, I wrote about making a “bucket list” or “life list.” In my case, I turned 40 years old and took stock of what I still wanted to do in my lifetime. That list became my 40 After 40–with forty items of things I wanted to do after turning 40.

One recent day, I was sitting in Café Express with my best friend and we had our laptops open to work. The restaurant WiFi started having problems (uncharacteristic for them, by the way), and we weren’t getting much done. Suddenly, my fabulous BF looked at me and said, “Let’s take you to try on wedding dresses!”

You see, I got married over 20 years ago and wore my mother’s dress. While I chose and loved wearing the dress that she had stitched herself, when I was writing my 40 After 40 list, it occurred to me that I missed that experience of shopping for a dress. So I added “shop for a wedding dress” to my list and moved on.

My best friend remembered that item from my list and prompted me to play hooky and cross it off. Within a half hour, I was at the local bridal shop pulling long dresses with beading, lace, and layers off the rack. I didn’t want to waste the salesperson’s time, so I told the truth about why I was there and fessed up that she wouldn’t be making a sale off me. She thanked me for my honesty and suggested trying three dresses. She helped us pick, and I made my way to the dressing room.

I asked a lot of questions as I tried on the dresses. Perhaps I can use what I learned as novel research someday. (For instance, did you know that the dresses are based on European sizes? So order up a size, American gals.) The saleswoman was wonderful*, and each time I emerged from the dressing room, my sweet friend snapped a pic on my camera.

It was a little like being a princess for an hour.

But I can honestly say I got it out of my system. Trying on wedding dresses was a lovely experience, but I don’t think I want to go back and wear 15 pounds of dress to walk down an aisle. Being married for 20 years (happily, by the way), I’m content with the dress I wore, the vows I took, and the husband I managed to snag.

But I can’t do all of that teasing without sharing, right? So here you go.

Wedding Dress 1

An Oleg Cassini

Wedding Dress 1

The one nobody liked (looked good on the hanger)

Wedding Dress 3

The favorite

And now for crossing items off another list!

ROW80 Update

Reading

  • Read 8 fiction books. Halfway through The Sleeping Doll by Jeffery Deaver.
  • Read one craft book: Writing Young Adult Fiction for Dummies by Deborah Halverson.  Actually finished reading the craft book I started last round and now ready to read this one.
  • Visit and comment on ROW80 blogs as a Round 2 sponsor. Yes indeed! Some great reports out there.

Writing/Editing

  • Finish writing GOOD & GUILTY, YA mystery. Added 5,447 words and finished the first draft. Done!
  • Complete first round of edits of GOOD & GUILTY. Starting Revision Hell/Deep EDITS this week.
  • Write one short story.
  • Edit two short stories–one needs a final polish, the other a full edit. Marked up the short story that needs a full edit.

Additional Goals

  • Exercise twice a week. Question: How long should one’s knees still hurt after stopping the running plan?
  • Prepare for and attend DFW Conference in May. Received my business cards and worked on pitch; got my agent appointment notification; working on pitch.
  • Prepare for and attend Immersion Master Class with Margie Lawson in June.

So what’s on your “bucket list”? What items have you already crossed off? What item will you be crossing off very soon? (Hint, hint: Get busy.)

*Note: I tipped the salesperson as I left. She had taken quite a bit of time with me and was very sweet about the whole experience. Moreover, I will keep that shop and that saleswoman in mind if I ever need a fancy dress of any kind.

Posted in ROW80, Scarlet Thread Sunday | Tagged , , , , , , , | 45 Comments

If Calvin Tweeted

Today is Amazing Words Wednesday, when we enter the labyrinth of language, get lost for a while, and see what we can discover. After last week’s mournful post on the Boston Bombing and National Poetry Month, I felt like we needed a pick-me-up today.

So here’s another entry in my If ___ Tweeted series, which features quotes from authors, statesman, and anyone else I find interesting. We are looking today at what we might find if Calvin Tweeted.

“John Calvin?” you ask.

No.

“President Calvin Coolidge?”

No.

“Calvin Klein?”

Huh-uh.

Calvin.

As in Calvin and Hobbes.

Calvin and Hobbes header

Because I think there is a lot of insight in that little fictional character’s head. Here are 25 tweet-sized quotes from the most precocious six year old I’ve ever known, all cited from the comic books my children own.

  1. The end of summer is always hard on me…trying to cram in all the goofing off I’ve been meaning to do.
  2. I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
  3. I try to make television-watching a complete forfeiture of experience.
  4. I’m related to people I don’t relate to.
  5. I don’t want to pay any dues in life. I want to be a one-in-a-million, overnight success!
  6. People don’t realize what a burden it is being a genius like me.
  7. Everyone wants to know what the future holds, but you just have to wait ’til it happens.
  8. Comic books aren’t just escapist fantasy. They’re sophisticated social critiques.Calvin (comic books strip)
  9. People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
  10. I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.
  11. I quit doing homework. Homework is bad for my self-esteem.
  12. And just six precious hours before bed to forget everything I learned today.
    Calvin (6 precious hours strip)
  13. I say a day without denial is a day you’ve got to face.
  14. It’s clear I’ll never have a career in sports until I learn to suppress my survival instinct.
  15. They say winning isn’t everything, and I’ve decided to take their word for it.
  16. A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.Calvin (rudeness/drama strip)
  17. I’ve got more brains than I know what to do with.
  18. If you can’t win by reason, go for volume.
  19. In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
  20. It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.
  21. Any idiot can be famous. I figure I’m more the legendary type.
  22. I like maxims that don’t encourage behavior modification.
  23. There’s an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.
  24. I’ve got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it.
  25. I’m not a vegetarian! I’m a dessertarian.

And with teenagers in my house (who have a few things in common with precocious six year olds), I can relate to this one from Calvin’s dad: “Being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time.”

Calvin's dad strip

Are you a Calvin and Hobbes fan? What is your favorite Calvin tweet from the list? Do you get inspiration from other comic strips? If so, which one(s)?

Sources: The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes; The Days Are Just Packed; Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons; The Essential Calvin and Hobbes; Weirdos from Another Planet!; and Something Under the Bed Is Drooling–all by Bill Watterson

Our Calvin and Hobbes collection

Our Calvin and Hobbes collection

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When It Comes to Sickness, Take It Like a Woman

Welcome to Scarlet Thread Sunday, when I throw out a thread of something I’ve learned in the labyrinth of life. Today’s title is exactly what my mother told me growing up.

Sick Woman Blowing NoseShe said that the usual phrase “take it like a man” needed to be altered when it came to illness. You see, many tough and formidable men sink into the pit of pitiful when they become sick. Whereas, many women–juggling 5 roles and 12 tasks at all times–don’t feel like they can afford to be down, even when they would like to be down.

Now I’m not saying that “men are bad, women are good.” I don’t believe that at all. I think God gave each sex some fabulous traits and a few weaknesses. I just think this happens to be a weakness for plenty of men out there.

And I am not alone. Check out this video that I happened to catch recently:

Now my own husband gets sympathy sickness–as in, whenever I’m sick, he’s sure that he has or is coming down with whatever I have. To be fair, we breathe the same air a lot, and sometimes he does indeed catch my illness. But other times, I think it’s, well, “man-cold.”

Whether this is your experience, or some other, I bet that your partner doesn’t treat illness the same way you do. Maybe they like you to wait on them hand-and-foot. Or perhaps they want to be left alone (me). Maybe they want the bed to themselves, or the living room couch, or every blanket in the house, or a cowbell to call you when they need something.

Whatever it is, it may not to be what you would want. I have a tendency to want my husband to treat me the way my mother did when I was sick: Check on me now and then, otherwise leave me alone, and let me have total control of the TV and computer…oh, and say a few lovey-dovey, you’ll-be-okay, reassuring words.

My husband is not my mother.

When he’s sick, I’m great for maybe 48 hours and then I want to say, “Take it like a woman!”

I am not his mother.

So these things must be negotiated a bit, so you can be there for your loved ones the way they need when they feel bad. Thankfully, my hubby and I are much better at caring for one another during sickness than we were in the first years of our marriage.

Which is good because there may be a day when one of us spends a lot of time caring for the other. There’s no telling what we’ll face in the future.

But I do know this: I’ll take it the way I take it, and he’ll take it the way he takes it. And that’s okay.

ROW80 Update

Time to check-in on “the writing challenge that knows you have a life.” All ten goals for this round are listed below, but the progress I made this past week appears in red type.

Reading

Writing/Editing

  • Finish writing GOOD & GUILTY, YA mystery. My previous working title was BREAKING THE COMMANDMENTS, which polled badly with teens I know. So I’m trying out GOOD & GUILTY. Anyway, I added 14,509 words. I’m so close to finishing the first draft!
  • Complete first round of edits of GOOD & GUILTY.
  • Write one short story.
  • Edit two short stories–one needs a final polish, the other a full edit.

Additional Goals

  • Exercise twice a week. Nursing a knee injury. *sigh*
  • Prepare for and attend DFW Conference in May. I started sorting through the schedule for which classes I want to attend, registered for a limited-seating workshop on making an ebook, and ordered updated business cards.
  • Prepare for and attend Immersion Master Class with Margie Lawson in June.

How has your week gone? How do you like to be taken care of when you’re sick? How about your partner, your child, or other loved ones in your life?

Posted in ROW80, Scarlet Thread Sunday | Tagged , , , , , , , | 16 Comments